What kind of tree fits in your hand?
— A palm tree.
Funny one
Only approved jokes are shown here.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
— Because she’ll let it go.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
— Between us, something smells.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
— Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you call a very small valentine?
— A valen-tiny.
Why did the orange stop?
— It ran out of juice.
Why was the computer cold?
— It left its Windows open.
How do you catch a school of fish?
— With bookworms.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
— Ground beef.
Why did the smartphone need glasses?
— It lost its contacts.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
— A stick.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
— To reach the high notes.
What do you call a bird that’s afraid to fly?
— Chicken.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
— Because they’re shellfish.
Why did the scientist take a ladder to the lab?
— The experiment was on another level.
What has ears but cannot hear?
— A cornfield.
Why did the picture go to jail?
— It was framed.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
— They work on many levels.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
— An investigator.
Why did the teddy bear skip dessert?
— It was stuffed.
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
— A tuba toothpaste.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
— Because he wanted to go to high school.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
— Frostbite.
Why was the belt arrested?
— It held up a pair of pants.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
— A can’t opener.
Why was the broom late?
— It swept in.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
— A dino-snore.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
— Because they make up everything.
Why did the tomato turn red?
— It saw the salad dressing.
How do you organize a space party?
— You planet.
What do you call a pile of cats?
— A meowtain.
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
— It wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
— A bulldozer.
Why did the student eat his homework?
— The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
— Dinner’s on me.
Why are ghosts bad liars?
— Because you can see right through them.
Why did the computer go to art class?
— It wanted to improve its draw.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
— Sofishticated.
How does the ocean say hello?
— It waves.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
— In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
— A gummy bear.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
— It felt crumby.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
— An impasta.
Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
— It’s two-tired.
Why did the math book look sad?
— It had too many problems.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
— Nacho cheese.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
— They’d crack each other up.
I told my computer I needed a break.
— It said 'No problem—I'll go to sleep.'
There are 10 types of people in the world…
— Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
— Because he was outstanding in his field.