How do squirrels send messages?
— With nut-ifications.
Animals
Only approved jokes are shown here.
What’s a whale’s favorite game?
— Krill and seek.
What do you call a musical insect?
— A humbug.
What do you call a camel with no humps?
— Humphrey.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite dance?
— The hop.
What’s a cat’s favorite color?
— Purr-ple.
How do you make a goldfish old?
— Take away the ‘g’.
What do you call a sleeping leopard?
— A catnapper.
What do you call a pig who loves the beach?
— A sand hog.
Why are chickens great comedians?
— Because!
What do you call a fish that keeps perfect time?
— A minute tuna.
Why did the spider open a laptop?
— To check his web site.
What do frogs wear on their feet?
— Open-toad sandals.
How do you know an elephant’s been in your fridge?
— Footprints in the butter.
What do you call a shark who delivers presents?
— Santa Jaws.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
— Because they lactose.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
— A polygon.
Why did the snake ace history class?
— Amazing hiss-tory notes.
What do you get when you mix a dog and a phone?
— A golden receiver.
Why was the cat great at video games?
— It was a meowster gamer.
What do you call a deer with braces?
— Buck-toothed.
Why don’t koalas count as bears?
— They don’t have the right koalafications.
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
— Swimming trunks.
What do you call an owl with a sore throat?
— One that can’t give a hoot.
What do you call a bear that loves fast food?
— A burger bear.
Why did the horse get a time-out?
— It had bad stable manners.
What do you call a group of kangaroos?
— A mob.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
— A milkshake.
How do you stop a charging bull?
— Unplug it.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
— A watchdog.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
— To get to the other slide.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
— Lost.
What do you call an alligator who reads maps?
— A navigator.
What do you call a group of musical whales?
— An orca-stra.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
— Fsh.
What do you call a cow that can play music?
— A moosician.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
— They use honeycombs.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
— No eye-deer.
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
— A woolly jumper.
Why did the crab cross the road?
— To get to the other tide.
What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
— A boa constructor.
What do you call a dog magician?
— A labracadabrador.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
— An irrelephant.
Why are fish so smart?
— They live in schools.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
— Toad away.
What do frogs order at fast-food places?
— French flies.
Why did the chicken sit in the shade?
— It didn’t want to be a fried chicken.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
— Spoiled milk.
What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
— A drizzly bear.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
— They’re afraid of the mouse.